What Matters Most? Exploring Values and Setting Meaningful Goals
By Seoka Salstrom, PhD
As part of my free monthly ACT workshop series, I recently facilitated a session called “What Matters Most? Identify Your Core Values and Set Meaningful Goals.” It was a powerful conversation, and I wanted to share some key takeaways with you.
Last month, we explored the idea of vitality, and that turned out to be the perfect lead-in to a discussion about values. Vitality is all about being present—fully showing up in our lives, whether we're experiencing joy, pain, or any emotions in between. There’s just as much living happening in the hard moments as in the beautiful ones. That’s something I keep coming back to: when we talk about values, vitality sits in the center of the conversation.
So, what is a value?
To me, a value is a guiding principle of your chosen life. To clarify your values, you might ask, “How do I want to move through the world?” and “What makes my life a well-lived life?” Unlike goals, which you can check off a list, values are never really “done.” You don’t finish loving or reach the end of being kind. Values are more like a lighthouse or the horizon—something to orient ourselves toward, even if we never “arrive.”
It's important to remember that values are internally driven. They aren’t the same as morals or the "shoulds" many of us grew up hearing. Often those “shoulds” don’t actually reflect what really matters to us, deep down. Part of the work is noticing the difference and choosing what’s authentically ours.
One of the most beautiful (and sometimes challenging) truths is that our values are highlighted in how we respond to painful experiences, joyful experiences, and everything in between. When we pay attention to the honest and multi-faceted experience of the present moment, we start to uncover what matters most.
If you're curious about your own values, here’s a simple exercise we did during the workshop:
Step 1: Use your non-dominant hand (yes, it might feel awkward!) to answer these two prompts:
I stand for ______.
I am someone who is ______.
There’s something about using the non-dominant hand that helps bypass certain brain paths and get a more honest answer.
Step 2: Turn your values into a specific goal.
For example, if your value is connection, a goal might be: “I will call one family member each week for the next month.” Notice how that’s more actionable than simply saying, “I want to talk to my family more.”
Step 3: Make a commitment to yourself.
Say it out loud, maybe while looking in a mirror: “I commit to calling one family member a week for the next month.”
That’s it—you’re already on your way to living a values-based life, one that’s guided by what truly matters to you.
If this resonates with you, I’d love for you to join me live for one of my free monthly 30-minute workshops. They’re open to everyone, and they’re a great space to reflect, learn, and grow together. If you’re interested, join the mailing list here, and I’ll make sure you get the invite.
